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10 November 2013 @ 01:35 am
I'm actually somewhat positive, I swear.  
My boyfriend is pissed off at me for telling him that he reminds me of Thor. I don't understand why he seems to think that I'm lying to him about that. No, they aren't twins, but that doesn't me that seeing Thor doesn't make him come to mind. He is blonde, hazel eyed (therefore sometimes blue eyed), and muscled. Of COURSE Thor reminds me of him. I was trying to pay him a compliment and he just quits talking to me. I wish I understood his self-esteem problems. I wish I knew how to make him understand that I think he is the hottest thing since sliced bread. Instead I'm sitting here lonely hoping that he doesn't decide that he hates me. I certainly never thought that a boy would make me feel this anxious over whether or not he would continue to want me. *sigh*

Speaking of self-esteem issues, I went shopping with my old high school friends today, and I don't think anything really could have been worse for my self-esteem short of someone actually calling me a fatty. They are both so small and getting smaller where as I just keep gaining weight. So my body-hate is coming back. How exciting. That combined with the fact that I don't think my grades are going to be fabulous this semester just has me in heading straight into a black hole of self hatred.

I wonder if there will ever be a point in my life that I generally feel good about myself. Not "I'm ok," or "I'm almost hot." These are the confident thoughts I have. I just want to look in the mirror and feel like I'm good. I'm sure this has much more to do with actual physical looks, but that is certainly where my mind wants to place all the blame.

Can I just feel like an ok person? That would be nice.
Current Mood: bummed